Well first let me say I was glad to see that the studio was in-keeping with, what is surely to be a central election theme, our bleak economic outlook, in that it looked like ITV had spent about £17 on it. If those party-coloured pillars weren’t from the Kryton Factor set I’ll eat Gordon Brown’s pink tie (and Gordon Burn’s left leg). Which was a nice touch I thought, a cunning break from the predictably party-coloured ties, and substanially better than Alastair Stewart’s atrocious neck-wear. Though I have my suspicions his was more than just decorative, it may well have been keeping his wizened old head upright.

Ties aside, (because you know, they’re not actually that important) things got off to a pretty slow start. I began to drift off but then I noticed the note-taking. The frenetic note-taking. And when the camera shot turned to them taking notes, they stopped, as if they’d been caught cheating. I enjoyed the note-taking — I didn’t see any shorthand mind. Made me think that 80wpm certificate crumpled in a drawer somewhere isn’t quite as big a waste as I’d thought.

Immigration was a much of a muchness, Brown said less, Cameron said less, Clegg said tighter.

Things started to warm up for a second when Gordie got the first laugh (I’m going to call it a laugh, though it was probably closer to a sort of collective convulsive whimper than a laugh) when he commented on the new Saatchi Tory add campaign.

Cameron didn’t really have a come back and it was left to Gordon to crack the second joke too, as if we hadn’t had enough after the first. I can’t remember it now, it was jibe about answer time not Question Time. I don’t know.

There was lots of Brown agreeing with Clegg and lots of Clegg saying “these two” and “in Shefflied where I’m an MP”. While Cameron avoided every question studiously and tried to tell us about the “real people” he’d met on his Guliver’s travels around Britain. (Guliver because it certianly wasn’t any Britain I’ve seen). No doubt a tactic handed down from his press secretary Andy Coulson, the former tabloid editor and man charged with making Cameron appeal to the ‘average bloke’. You know the guy, eats egg and chips, drinks Stella Artois and thinks any other anitpersprant other than Lynx is for gays. That guy. The one that doesn’t exist, except in the minds of Tory media officers.

Cameron was so woeful probably because he was under the greatest pressure. Two months ago this election was going to be a Conservative cake walk, but as the election has neared and the public has been forced to actually consider the prospect of bringing to power to a party who want to cut taxes for the two thousand richest estates in the UK, at a time when we’re just limping out of one of the most brutal economic prolapses the world has ever seen has caused pause for thought. And that thought brought about a Tory nosedive in the polls. One fuck-up here and Cameron could all of a sudden be chasing Labour. Not something he’s had to contemplate since the “Brown Bounce” (remember the Brown Bounce? Thems were the days) when Gordie took the reigns from Blair.

And despite trying valiantly the little fuck-ups, like hiccups, began to appear. Lumping China in with Iran when discussing the renewal of Trident seemed most obvious. A point that David Milliband picked up in a Tweet and suggested Cameron retract. The old idom of “treating adults like kids and kids like adults” was trotted out, only he followed it up with an epically ironic. “We’ve got it all topsy turvy.” Topsy turvy David? Have we? Have we got it all topsy wopsy turvy? The last time I heard the phrase topsy turvy, I was six and I was putting my pjs on back to front.

These little abberations went largely unnoticed in the post-debate media who were too busy doodling Nick “there is another option” Clegg’s face onto their bell-ends before having a great big Lib-Dem circle jerk.

And though I can’t condone their mode of praise, he did win it hands down. With Brown a closer than people are saying second, and Cameron a distant third. Don’t think this is the last of the Tory-man though. He’s still leading the polls and is sure to be more aggressive next time round.

As hopefully will the be everyone else, including the host. We’ve got Adam Boulton for Sky’s debate so that should be a cert.